Summary: New moon new year 95 candles of the beach
My stigmata spots, lasting one day, Jan. 1/2
Dark Night of Despair, waxing horn, Jan. 3-6
But wow! Along the beach, in a cluster, someone had left a group of large burning candles, I presume to await the rising tide of new year and new moon. This was beautiful. Only later did I relate this to the St. Sara candle scene in the movie Latcho Drom, but it might not have been Romany people who placed them (lots of Greek in the area, including Sophia next door to me). But then I did something that was well-intended but perhaps a breach of the ritual. I spontaneously took my right thumb, the usual book thumb one, and dipped it quickly in one of the shorter darker (?) candles, taking care not to disturb the flame. I then walked on, and saw a rock on the beach with a slight dimple on it, and pressed my thumb into it. This could have represented renewal of the third stone from the sun, I later guessed, but at the time was spontaneous, it could be for renewal of the third nipple (clit) of Kali Sara. I later (months later) could not find the stone again.
On the way home (Bel Air Apartments) I picked up a very long heart-shaped leaf, wet and with sand stuck to it, and pressed it inside my phone book. At home I lit all my own candles, and sort of sadly stayed up way too late/early waiting for love, who I thought might have put the candles on the beach, to arrive. This, plus the alcohol perhaps, perhaps contributed to post-new-moon problems within a few days.
My note said "Just noticed round reddish circles (fungal spots?) on my palms, like low level blisters. The right one is not too noticeable, the left one a bit more, no pain, perhaps just a pooled circle of blood with normal skin in the middle. The left one has a very slight second one to the left of it but that appears to have faded while I stretched the hands. This is probably temperature related and transient."
Actually I don't know what could have caused them. But at the time I didn't know that non-psychosomatic stigmata spots are like this, I thought they were bigger, longer-lasting and actually bleeding. Also I didn't have any religious linking inclinations before they started, or indeed much until December 1996.
Details: Then a few days later, beginning Jan. 4, I began to have late night insomnia, powerful fears, like an attack on my childhood, and the nights of Jan. 4 (11 p.m. to 10 a.m.) and Jan. 5 I composed two very long rambles on various topics, which have some rescuable fragments, puns, and editable poem snippets. The second one is worse, and more laden with the false fear stuff, and I did not post that. I posted the first, it was 36114=78*463 bytes long, to the Sarah McLachlan mailing list Fumbling Towards Ecstasy, on Jan. 5.
The first one, the one I posted, I also ended with an invocation supposed to stem the worldwide problem of abuse of many sorts:
----------- s-pare CHANGE time, D (wish list for my f-g) [cinderella reference] again] war to raw abuse to ba use car to arc hunger to passion :-) ill t to till lilt great and small to sweet love all and let that love open the door on Sol's Berry _____ [pro-choice] ------------- The second one, more fear laden, I ended with: "What is the password? LOVE"
By "pro-choice" I guess I meant that the sun goddess Sola could be viewed as male by some, i.e., you could choose a Hill or a Valley to pick your berries on/in, as long as that Hill or Valley chooses you too. But I am pro-choice, believe in allowing abortion up to 83 days after conception, but also that birth control should be allowed and that there should be research into early stage embryo transplant from unwanted pregnancies to infertile moms. If birth control (fine in today's population, and fine millennia ago except for political/military purposes) is allowed then the number of unwanted pregnancies might not exceed the number of infertile moms.
This was my first (and worst) purely post-new-moon (but near new moon) episode, in that solar sunspot cycle waning year, and I then made sure to keep my sleep reasonably stable at and just after new moon. This may be related to the druid practice of mistletoe rituals falling six days after dark of moon, which for me is the least likely day of the waxing moon for anything to happen (not that it is every month).
On the Friday I did sound for Clambake, Tammy Fassaert & David Mosher and made it through with not too many problems, just a bit shaky. Then on Saturday (the 7th?) I went to the Railway Club jam, bought an orange juice from Heather, then was still shaky so walked by the Maritime Museum area, where Sarah McLachlan had done a Sunflower Sunday concert with a powerful invocation of Home, and dropped a dime in the tree with seven trunks. Then I went home and took a little Haldol and slept it off. So this wasn't nearly as bad as the "Arianrhod's prison" late waxing moon episodes, but was a dark night attack/test of my very foundation, during and just after the waxing horn.
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