Summary: predicted Aug94 pre-new-moon high
three spears of the queen (wasp incident)
tantric rituals
Now back to the chronological sequence, the predicted 5th pre-new-moon high.
In late August while crossing N-S on Granville bridge, on a trolley bus, I noted a blue flash way out over the water (it was not the bus wires flashing). The last few days of August I felt relaxed but inspired, mystically connected, and able to write prolifically. Over 3--4 days in late August and early September I posted close to 100 original and followup posts to a number of individual newsgroups (no crossposts, unlike June93 these posts were targetted). Topics ranged from better urban transportation methods and building types, supposedly poetic clue to find a cure for AIDS, much more. I don't think there is anything in the AIDS clue, the sci.med.aids moderator rejected it. Here in Canada there is occasional shellfish food-poisoning caused by "red tide" algae. The clue was that this process, or perhaps something in the algae, would help or would be a clue. But a lot of my posts were crap, a few are good and a few may have extractable good bits.
to alt.pagan I posted:
The goddess wears moons, and her bra straps are of time and gravity.
two more poems that went with the Math's dictionary one:
P oh -- a short tree! ------------------------- a chord struck in the mind jewels placed upon paper ring echos in you, reader laugh cry a geas from ages emergent evolution? random mess? ----------- IP2kneed, ma IP2ma's need (IP=induced polarization P/T=p/tau method) [This was supposed to be about the June93 poem word "P/ToeMa-knEE"]
On Saturday or Sunday [Aug. 20--21] I was sunbathing on the back steps when some wasps started to bother me; I at first ignored them but eventually tried to shoo them away and got stung twice (once on Sat on the back of my right calf and once on Sun on my inner right calf). After that I jut ignored them and sent waves of love instead of fear and they didn't sting me again. I didn't have any adverse reaction, although felt an unearthly chill in the legs the following week and was going to get my thyroid checked but the chill faded late in the month. This is like the "chill of Math" which the great druid Math (little bear in the sky) casts on Gwydion and his brother before their transformation, in the Welsh Mabinogion.
So those were two spears of the queen, one powerful and warlike, a warning, one a gentle prod back on the right path.
Well, last week, probably around Aug. 30, early-to-mid week , I was in resonant or tuned oscillator mode, nicely stable but sensitive, and out sunning again. Over the session one wasp was buzzing around me so I sent out "waves of love" as I said before.
Later on that wasp left, another came along and landed on the top of the fourth toe of one of my feet. This toe had turned black months ago from a stub and had never healed properly. I ignored the wasp and let it sit there for a while. After a few days I noted that the rough skin on that toe was healing unusually fast.
The wasp next moved briefly to my belly button area, and I began to get concerned. Perhaps it was investigating my old scar from just above the belly button to about eight inches lower. Then I got really concerned as it suddenly moved up, landed on my left nipple, and did not sting but began clawing or brushing the nipple with its legs. So perhaps "useless as tits on a bull" does not apply to wasps. I blew/brushed it off quite quickly and went in, but from that illogically intuited that something that can be brushed or milked from wasps (traded) or analyzed and synthesized (perhaps the sting) would be medically beneficial, maybe for breast cancer.
...[all those posts] is not as personally anchored as the wasp stuff, just in the burning love of the goddess, which I am currently suffering downer withdrawal symptoms from (although it would have burned me up eventually). I still have the usual feeling or nature love, but no drug can ever replace the sensation of being in tune.
This time I made sure to be on the computer no more than four hours in a row and no later than 2 a.m., and to get at least four hours sleep each night and avoid alcohol and caffeine. Also two or three days before new moon I decided to go home and wind down, my posts were getting a bit more incoherent.
At home I did some playful creative stuff like making object sculptures out of household objects (I have a written description), baking rituals (I took a whole fresh pineapple, sliced it into five slices with seven sides each, and baked not upside-down gingerbread but gingerbread with half the batter on the bottom, then the slices, then more batter; for apple oatmeal cookies I took two apples, sliced one one way to show the five-pointed star, the other the other way to show the heart shape, of the apple of EveN).
I also decided to become partly vegetarian (lacto-ovo-pisce-veg) and threw out some leather stuff but kept some old stuff.
Finally I did a triple candle renewal ritual, with some tantric elements. I had on some music, I forget what. I had a double candlestick with a leaf in the middle, with a geophone on top, and a knotted double garter (two garters I have caught) over each candle, plus another single candle. At the time this represented the paired Earth and Moon, and the Sun. (This was before my Cosma/Sola/Gaia, with Gaia including the moon, personal theory, and even more recent LOVE/Cosma/Sola/Gaia/Artemis personal theory) I then probably visualized three different women, I forget who for sure, as images of the triple goddess and while listening to music and lighting the candles one by one and wishing love for all, a renewal, I moved to a powerful mystic orgasm, merging with the universe, sending out the cry for healing and renewal. [But I do most rituals/prayers without orgasm.]
2012: I think the three women were probably Sarah McLachlan representing the Earth, Tanita Tikaram representing the Sun, and Sinead O'Connor representing the Moon, but I don't remember for sure.
Then on the night of January 29, 1995 (I thought for a while it was early December 1994 but my files show late January 1995), the night before new moon, Sarah McLachlan was in New Zealand, and I did another earth renewal energy that was supposed to send her positive effects too if acceptible. I formed an S-shape out of all my household plants and candles and "power objects" (some of which I have since given away). Then, to the tune of Sarah McLachlan's Mary (Freedom Sessions version, I think, though it could have been the the Fumbling Towards Ecstasy version), I once again did a solitary ritual reaching around/through the earth, fantasizing about Sarah and her friend Crystal Heald (who I had not seen) who was with her in New Zealand, and swept to the most powerful and longest lasting orgasm I have every experienced, the mystic tantric orgasm, whole body and more, a full rush from the crown chakra to the base, like a pulsing antenna. This was in normal mood, I think the night before new moon, and the distance involved may be longer than any previous such Shakti/Devi imaging? I wonder what will happen when lovers are separated by light years.
I relate this to the thorn/lightning through circle symbol on the Tannahill Weavers Best of CD cover, which my friend Colleen Eccleston gently pricked me with once and asked me what I thought it meant (I did't know at the time, but it could be the point of an adaptive new balance). If you spin this it can be the earth, or apple. Of course it is like a hairpin of the goddess too (what is the trad interpretation of the symbol?).
Well, I'm a bit embarrassed by the above stuff, but felt obliged to leave it in even if many in the past did not, leading to problems such as the Mount Cashel orphanage abuse.
That should be all of the sex magick aspect of tantra (which I haven't read much about yet, but isn't just sex) I'll mention here. However the tantric merging of the mystical and erotic is discussed in a subsection of the Parallels in world religions entitled Tantric aspects. Of course tantric yoga is not a religious path in itself but is a component of several paths, and has implications for the origins of all paths, even those derived purely from rational analysis of earlier paths. And it is certainly a still active element of Tantric Hinduism (particularly Kali worship) and Tantric Buddhism. Again, tantric yoga is certainly not all sex, but does considers sex an integrated healthy part of the whole.
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